Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
Interesting you picked up on that. She called my sisters telling them she'll never speak to me again and that I told her to die. I did not say that, but... when she said I'm killing her, I said 'nothing will kill you'. What I meant is that she thrives on confrontation. My sisters agree. I didn't mean that I want her to die. Now she's put me on the defensive, making me want to call her and clarify that I didn't wish her death. My mom is 80. Shame on me for fighting with an old lady. And this is how it goes, over and over again.
|
My mom loooooves to be able to paint herself the victim of my father, me, and my sister. She frequently lumps my sister and I together too as though we were the same person which infuriates me because we are very, very different. Sometimes I wish my mom would stick with not talking to me, but eventually she will act as though nothing ever happened and invite me to come to dinner or go shopping. I spent at least 30 years stuck in the cycle of abuse, and it is definitely a classic abuse cycle. There's calm, tension starts to build, finally she lashes out, she stops talking to me, and then she reaches out as though nothing happened, repeat cycle.
What I try to remember in stituations like where you want to call her and clarify you didn't want her to die, is that you can't explain something to a person who refuses to hear it. Explaining things to my mother never makes it better, she purposely "misunderstands." Like so many of the manipulative games people try to engage us in, the only way to win is not to play. It's just a lot more difficult to disengage from a parent!