Thank you all so much! I love all of you! I flat out asked my husband why he asked me two days ago if I needed to go IP and then today, when I told him I likely did, he advised me to wait to speak to my pdoc tomorrow. He said my sister told him that clozaril has been like a miracle drug for many people. So, I said "you think I'm going to get better over night then?" He didn't really know what to say but advised me that he didn't think I understood the kind of pressure I place on him and my family when I am away. I told him that I indeed did and that is why I have so much guilt about going. He told me to leave the guilt behind that they WOULD work it out but he needs to make sure that it absolutely is the best option. He told me if I am very suicidal that it is the best but he still thinks, if I can wait, we should talk to my pdoc tomorrow. I think I will do exactly as Miguel's Mom said and tell my pdoc I need to be IP and then let him be the bad guy. I don't understand why my pdoc didn't get back to me today but I will make sure he does tomorrow.