I completely realise my mother's emotional detachment and expection of perfection goes back to the way the was she raised by her own mother and the way my grandmother was in turn raised. My mom was older when she had me and her own mom quite old when she had her. Consequently, my grandmother was raised in Edwardian England (think Downton Abbey). She was raised by nanny's and surrounded by servants, seeing her parents only when she was 'presented' after dinner. She and so my mother and then I were raised to speak only when spoken to and that one must behave as though they were constantly on show. One mustn't be common was what my mother always said. Ironically she married a preacher/professor. I was in fact quite common growing up.

I have a constant running commentary in my head in my mother's voice telling me how to behave and reminding me I am always being watched and critiqued. Hence my morbid social anxiety of what people might think about me and how I am such a failure.