Quote:
Originally Posted by newtus
i wish to be normal so bad. but im not. ive been able to fake normality to an extent. but i come apart within minutes. and people can tell theres something off about me. id like to think im funny and original but im just faking normality so much that im not anymore. when im psychotic is when all my creativity comes out. well i wouldnt say that extent. it comes out when im on meds too but not that much. im taking 5mg right now of haldol and noticing that im getting along pretty well but some bumps but my creativity and originality is coming out again.
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I can relate to this post a lot. I can fake normal to an extent but not really because people always end up finding out that I'm not "right" or whatever. Like, I just can't hide it and like you said I come apart at the seams within minutes because I can't act "normal" because I'm just not. Really, I often think why bother trying people think I'm really weird/crazy/etc anyways and it's tiring to try and fake normal you know?
Interesting that you say you're more creative while psychotic. I don't know if I'm more or less creative when I'm having an episode that isn't just the normal day in and day out psychotic symptoms I always have. Now I'm wondering though it's an interesting correlation.
I'm taking haldol too as my second AP, I'm taking 8mg right now... Ugh.
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