I'm sorry you've been struggling lately atypical. Your always kind to me.
I'm struggling to come to terms with the reality that this unreality is going to be part of my life for the rest of it. I have negative symptoms constantly but the positive ones are now part of everyday too. My pdoc and cpn said that's just how my life is going to be. It's like I find out everyday a new thing that I believe and experience that isn't real/right.
I have cognitive issues too, albeit not as bad as yours, so I know the struggle. And I struggle socially to act 'normal' so much that I tend to avoid people altogether. My bf is the only person I really spend time with and that's because I can be myself with him, he's seen all my weirdness. And yes he calls me weird but in a kind way.
I've been told that what I've experienced is 'shocking' to hear by a friend and my cpn said I haven't had a very good life. I guess if I looked at all the negatives there's been a lot of dark times but I try to see the positives in life. Well, I usually do but I'm depressed at the minute so that one has gone by the wayside.
Anyway I'm rambling. Just wanted to say I can relate