Weird vent ahead.

I have extremly low self esteem. I can't stand my face. I feel disgusting all the time and yet I look in the mirror a lot. I even try to see my reflection in windows if noone is around, but I can NEVER look in the mirror if there's other people there. I was a pretty kid, people kept telling me. I don't think I was ever called ugly, but I know things have changed. I don't like one thing on my face. I especially hate my nose, but I'm gonna get it fixed.
And then there's my jaw. I have a condition called an 'open bite'. Basically the only teeth that are touching are those at the back. My front teeth are forming a gap, which means my mouth is always somewhat open. It makes the lower part of my face horrifically stretched. I'm gonna have a surgery in two years but I'm afraid I'll lose my mind until then. I can't get it off my mind for a minute and I don't think I ever will be able to, because I can FEEL it. I cry every day. I'm incredibly vain. I also have weight problems that I'm working on right now. Maybe it's connected.
I often think people are disturbed by me. I don't talk to anyone, never smile, have no friends and want to be left alone. I keep to myself. I have been bullied in middle school, when I started to withdraw. Noone said anything about my looks but pretty people just don't get bullied. Sometimes a grandma or an aunt will say I look pretty but I can't make myself believe it for a second.
Everytime ugliness crosses my mind I feel a little sick. I can't accept it. Not me. I can't be ugly. It doesn't match my mentality. Then I usually cry
I don't want to learn to love myself either. I don't just want to live through my life, I have goals. And they can't be accomplished if I look like this. I don't think anyone here can really help me with this, I just wanted to let it out.
Do you think it's possible that I have such problems with my face because I was told I was pretty when young?
I'll probably edit later.

Thank you for reading, hope you have a nice day