Thank you for the reassurance.

I definitely can see pattern, in hind sight. Actually, i feel that the stress around halloween triggered me big time. And the days prior to halloween (and weeks) were smooth sailing. then the drama. the next day i was weirdly completely happy and elated despite my BF going out all day, it was no problemo. And then days to follow, i was a woman on a mission getting all the stressful things done (so i thought) no problem. I was proud of myself. It felt amazing.
Then the next day, texting away excitedly planning everything, filling my calendar, and moving at rapid pace. Then, first reality check came: the event w/ bf yelling at me (i was probably riding high at that point) and boom!! yesterday- majorly crashed! I was isolating, sleeping, eating crappy, when BF came home i was thinking all kinds of weird, jealous, thoughts (depressed). Went to therapy, and she got to see that side of me. Its my yucky side. :/ thats why i stayed home all day- i can't be in public like that. i cant leave the house. it doesn't mean i wont eventually... i just couldnt' do anything normal.

And today- totally back to normal. woke up, good mood, worked out, went to work, took walk (one of my phobias is to walk outside alone) however, smooth sailing.

i wonder sometimes if i actually have any control over this? b/c- i recall exactly 1 mo ago, when on vaca i had a very similar pattern. Makes me want to pull out my hair- and wondering why am i dont all this work if it is cyclical and somewhat out of my hands

Crazy!