Quote:
Originally Posted by Cats4
...He is an alcoholic.  I knew he had beers, but I didn't find that alarming... a lot of people have a beer or two when they go out. I thought nothing of it.
The problem is, I fell in love (again). Once that happened, the secret came out - he became less and less willing to "hide it" - and, before I know it - I have this drunk man in my life. He is always always drunk by the time 8-9pm or so rolls around. Not just once in awhile, always. He is definitely a high functioning alcoholic. As he is a hard worker, w/ a good job. But regardless, his personality and everything has changed. Now that I know, I can see the signs of his addiction. If he sleeps over, he wakes up completely sweaty, and his hands shake. He's going through withdrawals. He has horrible eating habits, and sleep habits. He's in denial. He has fallen, he falls into walls, he staggers when he walks and the worst is - he has Jeckyll & Hyde personality. Up and down he goes. He can be very emotionally mean, but has a really great way of turning it into my fault ... It's always always my fault. Because of the type of personality I am, I take the blame... I think it's because of my failed marriage, so I believe I have something wrong with me... and, I let this guy tell me that, and I believe him.
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Get out. I have to be that blunt because I wish that someone had been with me. I wasted almost 2 years with a barely functioning alcoholic. Addiction is selfish, narcissistic, devoid of empathy - not the addict but the addiction. Those that love the addict always see the "real" person underneath, the good, the potential, the wonderful person they are when they aren't acting out but who they are is the drunk. When in active addiction, the "real" person is the drunk/high person. I eventually felt like I was being cheated on with alcohol. My ex would stay sober for about 30 days and then drink, lie about it, keep on lying until I knew what was going on. It got harder to hide it, then it was "the phone died, that's why it went straight to voicemail" no, it was turned off because Jack Daniels was more important than everything else even me. I honestly felt like booze was "the other woman."
Every time things got good and the drinking stopped, I naively thought that it would stay good. I loaned him $1000 to buy a car so it would be easier to get to work, was never paid back of course. Every time he drank it was like my heart was breaking. Eventually I stopped trusting him, ever. I began to wonder if he was hooking up with women when he was drunk, he lied about the drinking why not lie about that too? They do wait until you are in love to show you how bad it really is, because by then you won't just walk away.
How it ended was that I just got slowly slowly slowly fed up. My emotional needs didn't matter, were rarely being met. Everything was always about him. ALWAYS. I started a brand new very important part of my career and we had different days off. He would stay up all night drinking and then call me, completely wasted, at 6am. I'd have to talk to him as I got ready and drove to work. He would repeat himself because he was too drunk to remember what he'd said, then he would argue with me when I pointed out he was saying the same things over and over again! I didn't even get to enjoy my new job that I'd worked so hard for. It couldn't ever be about me. Your boyfriend won't support you through your Dad's cancer, he can't but can't or won't it doesn't really matter. Relationships are about give and take, not about one person always giving and one person always taking. Even when I did finally end it for good I tried to take it back (I also have a fear of being alone) but he was sick of having to argue about his drinking. Now I am SO grateful it ended. I have a wonderful, loving, giving relationship with zero lies. Ironically it's with a recovering alcoholic but he was a year sober when we met. I hope and pray I never see him drunk.
You deserve someone who can give you the love and support that you give them. Being alone, as terrifying as it can be, is preferable to being miserable IMO.