Hello Hedgeleaf: Welcome to PsychCentral! PC is a great place to gain support as well as to obtain mental health related information. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more you'll get from the time you spend here. So keep posting!

You know... having read your post, I would say this relationship is a train wreck looking for a place to happen. It is probably the case that there is blame to go around here in terms of how things have gotten to the point where they are with your relationship. From what you wrote, it sounds as though you may be overly possessive & unable to accept that your bf is going to have casual relationships in addition to the one he has with you. However, at the same time, it sounds as though he has been insensitive as well as verbally abusive plus he apparently drinks to excess, at least from time-to-time. This is a bad combination!

Long-term relationships are difficult to maintain. So , from my perspective, unless both of you are absolutely committed to yours, my recommendation, for what its worth, would be to end it now. I'm sure this will be devilishly difficult for you. But better now than later on when you are even more deeply involved with this guy. Yes, you probably are feeling depressed over this situation. And this is another reason to bring an end to the relationship. Right now, your depression may be just situational. But, if situational depression goes on for too long, it can become ingrained. Depression-related pathways can become worn into the brain. And, at that point, it becomes difficult to resolve them.
The alternative, it seems to me, is for the two of you to commit to participating in some couples counseling in an effort to resolve your differences. If you and / or your bf are not willing to commit to such a process, then my recommendation is to walk away. I wish you all the best...