therapy was good. i wanted to cry so bad though. i held it back the whole time. i was holding it back so hard and so much that i was having tics and muscle spasms.

so my diagnosis i found out is schizoaffective bipolar type. my therapist said it used to be schizoaffective unspecified but they had to choose something for the insurance company and she said she thinks me doing risktaking behavior such as trying to choke my therapist and what happened at the college a few years ago made them put bipolar because she doesnt think i get depressed enough to warrant depressive subtype nor that manic enough to warrant the other type. so its for insurance purposes probably.