Lady M, you have expressed one of the most important lessons I have learned in nearly six decades of living -- I am responsible for my feelings.

Having said that, I must add that I have a right to my feelings. I have a right to feel hurt or angry or sad or whatever when people say and do insensitive, mean, and ugly things.

So it's a kind of balancing act -- YOU cannot MAKE me feel a certain way by what you say and do, but I have a right to own my own feelings.

Once I do that, it starts to get a lot clearer about what actions I want to take in response.