When I had an issue with gambling (mostly instant tickets), in the end I realized that at its core, I had an 'addiction' to the feeling of hope. For the few minutes it took me to buy a ticket and scratch away the sparkles, there was the *chance* that my life might not be so hard and stressful anymore. It was the feeling of hope, I just didn't recognize for a long time that that was what it was that I was experiencing and desperately seeking. It took a long time and hard self-work to learn how to find hope in more reliable things. I hope you can find the same somehow.