What happened to that 2nd opinion you were going to get? I assume you didn't since you were doing so much better. Could you get back on that list? I know it won't help now but it seems like whenever you really need your dr's help it's almost like he gets overwhelmed and starts throwing meds at you, in this case at a higher dose than they strongly suggest and with the potential of re-over-medicating you (my new word) with just a new drug. All you needed today was for him to help by being the "responsible party" for hospitalization. My therapist and pdoc both would do that in a heartbeat for me, even without my asking. My therapist and I think my pdoc too have offered to give me written excuses for not attending holidays in the past. My therapist says that my mom already doesn't like him so just go with that. And I've used it, that "they see" something that worries them and so I'm going IP or doing whatever and that puts less emphasis on my desire to hurt myelf.

Wait if you can but if you feel you can't just do what you need to do and don't worry about what the pdoc or anyone else thinks. His heart may be in the right place but I just don't think he's necessarily the best with your complex disorder; I think he wants to help so badly that he almost panics and starts throwing meds at you without discrimination or following standard practice. Which isn't so good with most meds. My understanding is that clozaril is rarely if ever used in conjunction with another AP because of the interactions and because it's not needed so it will be interesting to see if he gets you off the abilify soon.

I hope you have a good night. I'm sorry everything went a little weird today.