my company recently moved into a new office building still under construction........ the first day i noticed one of the workmen and found myself super attracted to him. he came up to me and introduced himself that same day (was very friendly and i got a great vibe from him), and we chatted a few times afterward. but i couldn't bring myself to approach him & talk if our paths didn't directly cross, and now he never comes and talks to me anymore and it makes me sad, and i wish i knew why. but i have no self esteem & zero nerve to approach him. all that goes through my head is: "this guy is good-looking, and surely younger than you, what would he possibly want with you? you're not young enough, not pretty enough, not intersting enough.... you'll only make a fool of yourself so don't even bother."

i recently confessed my crush to a coworker (a very kind and smart woman). she told me i should just give him my number, say "give me a call sometime", and walk away, that men often don't realize a woman is interested if she isn't direct about it. she says he probably stopped talking to me because I stopped talking to HIM and he figured i wasn't interested. she told me that i am beautiful and worthy of love and that i need to realize it (apparently he walked by a little ways away while she was talking to me, she said he was looking at me but how do i know she wasn't just trying to be encouraging?). but i feel like, its easy for her to say these things - it's not her feelings on the line.

sorry this post is so long, i'll get to the point.... i am devoid of self esteem and absolutely terrified of rejection. i have sabotaged every decent relationship i have had to this point. i know its idiotic but anytime a man treats me well i can't deal with it. i have broken up with men for telling me i was pretty too often, for being too nice, for so many stupid reasons. and no matter how good a man is to me, it is always in the back of my mind: "this person is going to hurt me eventually". and it is also always in my mind that i don't deserve a healthy, happy relationship, so i cling to the men who dont treat me well. and while i know on some level that this is ridiculous, i can't seem to get over it. i try but its so hard!

i'm 34 and i'm terrified that i'm going to be alone the rest of my life. i am so attracted to this guy and i long so much to just talk to him, try to get to know him...... and i want to believe that maybe he is interested....but i can't bring myself to go up to him. i'm just so afraid of being rejected. good lord, what is wrong with me? i think i've driven myself crazy.....