Ok, so my ex-husband and I are now living together and back in a relationship, but it's important I give you some general history here. My ex n I had dated each other 3yrs (most of it living together) before marrying, and then were married for almost 7yrs - however, the relationship was never truly "healthy" because he was being progressively more n more emotionally n psychologically abusive to me n i, in my backwards attempt of "escape" kept looking to start affairs with men online - n fell in love with one in the end. I divorced my ex n within a month, the other guy left me too - things happened in a crazy way that landed me living with my ex again n slowly we have formed a relationship again. We both have forgiven each other because we understand we each were at fault but also that both of us had traumatic childhoods as well n very hard lives after childhood, so its kind of a mutual understanding n compassion that allowed us to rekindle our love. We have admitted tge wrongs we did to each other, but at times, I see him slipping back into his controlling behaviors n depending on his mood I may or may not point it out to him to try to make sure we don't go down a bad path again n have asked him to do the same when I do something that upsets him but he is good at keeping it in til we argue n then I hear "you do that too" n when I ask for an example I get "if you don't know when you do things then you r worse off than me, that's just common sense" - so my question is two-fold:

How do I get better communication flowing in the relationship n is this going to be something I will regret doing anyway, is abuse just lingering around the bend again?

I have been back with him a year in March, and the most that has really happened is blame being shifted on me kinda thing-nothing super alarming but i recognize it from our past n it scares me