Hi people.
I'm a 61 year old woman diagnosed with Dysthymic Disorder. It wasn't noticed by my parents when it began because my mother was suffering from depression herself. She, however, refused to have anything to do with the psychiatric profession having seen her own mother institutionalized (we're talking late 1930s-early 1940s) and in awful, awful shape.
So far, the best meds for me have been maximum dosage of effexor with a half mg of mirapex thrown in. The best my mood has become is feeling nothing. My doctors have been screwing with my meds because of a sleep disorder I've developed about a year and a half ago- Non-REM Parasomnia. Of course we did a sleep study and it was normal, but I constantly am moving my legs while I sleep (I've been unaware of this). The doc thought it was caused by the effexor and halved my dosage and we started on Welbutrin. Ever since then I've been slowly descending down to that dark, dark place that I haven't been to in a while. For about the past 10 years, since I was stable, my PCP has been managing my meds, but with these new developments, he's suggested I see a Psychiatrist. I've also started talking w/ a thearapist, but it may not be a good match because I get little response from him.
In the mean time, I'm waiting for my academy award because every time I go out, I fake a smile and pleasant disposition.

The worst feeling for me is waking up and seeing that the sun has come up and I have to fill another day. (I'm on disability due to back issues along w/ the depression).
I'm hoping I can find a sympathetic group here.