I've been posting under 'coping with emotions' and 'self injury' as I told a new founded friend here on PC that's always checking in to see how I am doing it helps me a lot like yesterday when all I could think about was ending this pain and all the suffering and unhappiness I cause my family so I shared how i felt here on PC!

But it was short lifted, I dont know why but every time I think I'm on the right track and making progress I get a rude awakening! My brother phoned me late last night his the eldest (the success story) not to check how I'm doing but to tell me I must stop with my s°°t his tired of my mom phoning him every time I have one of my episodes! And he just want to tell me that he doesn't sympathize with people that harm themselves or that tries to commit suicide and he will not come to my funeral if that's the case!

My brother said he was reading somewhere that mental illness is not a sickness, the mind is not a physical organ, so how can you do tests to establish for example you have; bipolar, anxiety, depression etc.:
He asked me why did they say I need to take medication? I told him because of the chemical imbalance in the brain and that the meds can help with my thoughts, anxiety and moods. He asked me if they did any tests (blood/x-rays anything) to establish that it is a chemical imbalance. He said if my answer is 'no' how can I be sure I have all these 'things' they told me, they made their diagnosis based on what I told them and on nothing else! According to him I'm feeding my mind with all this 'crap' and 'negativity! He said I must get my facts right regarding this 'mental' issue that I'm using as a excuse and I must wake up my husband is going to get fed up and then I mustn't come crying to them if he leave me!

It's a pity who ever phoned my brother forgot to tell him that for almost 2 weeks now after a ultimatum was given to me, I really try to change and that I have stopped my medication as well! As I told my friend earlier here on PC, I give up!

What more do they want from me?

If there's any truth in what he said, why do I feel this way and why only these last 3 years?

Thank you for listening...
Sun