Thanks for your comments I've talked with my therapist about the thrill/dopamine seeking and about getting into a program I've tried the gamblers anonymous here and it just feel fake to me. May have to try to find an AA group that fits for me, alcohol is a struggle as well. I have all the books and especially like the daily meditation for women but also know this is going to take hard work on my part. I really can't be trusted alone with money right now. It makes me mad and sad. I'm freaking 45 years old!!

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