Thanks. My self-harm attacks often come as a result of explosive self-hate and anger. For some reason I have a really weird main trigger.

I actually tried to call a hotline after, but the two I tried were closed, and one gave me a number for a suicide line. I was, actually, thinking I'd be better off dead, that I should just end it all and make everything stop, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to them. I called 4 times and each time I hung up before talking to anyone. I just felt like my problem isn't severe enough, like I'd just be wasting their time. And, honestly, ashamed of it all. Too much so to talk directly to someone; at least the internet provides a sort of distance.

Needless to say, I'm sore today. There are very few marks, and I treated myself with witch hazel before bed and this morning, which seems to be reducing their visibility.