I am sorry about these five words presented to you. I am sorry that sent you into experiencing such a bad PTSD cycle like that, IMHO, the worst cycle is the kind that the PTSD sufferer feels suicidal like that.

These darkest PTSD cycles are the hardest and often the least discussed. It was good that you shared this. What is very important with this kind of deep dark cycle is to understand that even though it feels so completely hopeless, these cycles like the others come in, crest and receed.

Your love was not a lie, even though that idea has been presented. Our perception of what is supposed to be a perfect love is very unrealistic to begin with. There is no such thing as perfect, to think that can be obtained is a fruitless venture. Love changes throughout any relationship because human beings themselves go through changes. Having a good safe love at any period in our lives is precious, existed for us at that stage of our lives.

Now you are challenged with PTSD, you need time to heal and understand it better. Most partners struggle to understand that need that is in the now, but it doesn't change what was experienced that was positive in your past.

You are having some uncertain and confused feelings right now, it's ok to be confused, try not to feed into whatever it is, recognize it, talk about it in whatever way you can and be patient for it to come in, crest and receed because these challenges do pass. If you have a strong cycle where you feel like you want to give up, do not act, understand instead that it will pass and after that you can talk about it and work through it gradually as often these slowly ease up so you can move forward in your healing on a better level.

(((Caring Hugs)))
OE