You know passionfruit3, when I was battling severe suicidal impulses, I was overwhelmed emotionally and with what I was dealing with in my life and when I tried to talk about it, I did not get the right responses. I really believed no one would get it and I would be a burden, and I was being treated that way. And the reason is that no one did get it, they did not know how to help me, they did not understand PTSD and how that challenged me and they tended to get angry about it.

When I look back on all that now, it was not my fault and the family and people around me had no knowledge or understanding about what I had or how to be supportive. I too desperately wanted others to know how bad it was, they did not listen and I too came dangerously close to not being here.

When you find help instead of feeding into the suicidal impulses, no one is going to thank you, because they do not know how challenged you are, people do not understand unless they have experienced something themselves. The average person does little to no reading and educating themselves about PTSD. So the average person has so little to empathize with you the way you want them to. That never means you are unworthy of their empathy and caring and understanding and support, something you must remember.

When struggling with PTSD, it's important to seek out people who DO UNDERSTAND, and CAN PROVIDE you with the empathy and caring that you need so desparately. I felt I was never going to find anyone, I felt hopeless and helpless, but eventually I did find the right therapist and it definitely did help me.

You are not alone with these challenges either, many others who have interacted here in the forum and there have been many all feel that same way and one thing that has been helpful is at least having a place to go and interact with others who can relate with the challenges, some of which have found help and made some gains and can be supportive.

It's very important that you learn how to not feed into the kind of thought patterns that do nothing to help you and tend to be self punishing. It's ok to need help, it's ok to vent things out too. Suicidal impulses come from feeling too much emotion and not knowing what to do with it. It's ok to work on allowing yourself to sit with these emotions instead of thinking you have to run from them or should not feel them. You will get so you begin to recognize that a surge of emotional flashbacks or sense of emotional overwhelm can come in, crest, and then receed. PTSD is a deep hurting, need for comforting and healing. There is no perfect way to heal, a challenged individual needs to have a lot of PATIENCE with self.