I don't really know what to say, I'm not a subscriber to the "visual cheating" school of thought even though I used to be against it in the past. But that's because I used to be really insecure and I thought it made me feel inadequate. Although in reality, I am the only one who made me feel that way. So I'm not judging anyone who is anti porn, everyone has their reason or season.

Actual cheating, I can assure you there'd probably be bloodshed, I kid you not....

Back to the topic at hand.


Looks like you and hubby have reached an impasse.

While it would be nice for you if he'd just bend to your will, that's probably not going to happen, not because he's disrespectful or doesn't care, but because your perceptions are completely different on this topic.... You can't fathom why, he can't fathom why not. Yes he understands you feel betrayed, but he doesn't get how. 1+1 is just not = 2 for either of you, and he's probably not bringing up the topic because he doesn't want to be forced into making empty promises.


Soooo, you may want to consider a compromise of sorts to save your marriage and keep both parties as happy as possible, because both of you matter, equally.

The one's wants does not trump the other's.

Maybe incorporate the old "don't ask don't tell" policy.


You both agree to drop the subject and you get to live in a world where porn was never created, and he keeps his computer spotless or there will be hell to pay.


Just seems like the most logical move forward because neither of you want this to be a deal breaker.


Make no mistake your husband was wrong, he was wrong to promise to stop prior to marriage and not keep that promise. Had you known then, you could've chosen not to marry someone with such a fundamentally differing POV.


If I could make another suggestion?

Have an objective discussion about porn. Ask him why, what and actually listen to his answers.


He may surprise you and give his assurance that its not a negative reflection of you or your marriage