Quote:
Originally Posted by MiddayNap
Why on earth would a person refuse to befriend another simply due to their physical appearance? That doesn't make any sense.
On your friend, there are two possibilities:
The first, and less troubling, is that she is simply very blunt. Perhaps in her mind, pointing out that your tummy pokes out in dress is alright because she would want someone to tell her if ever she were in the same predicament. Maybe she doesn't realize how bothered you are by it. Or maybe she just doesn't think before she speaks. As a blunt person, there have been many a time when I've said things that, in retrospect, the other person had reason to be miffed at. After an elderly man-a very, very elderly man-told me to "have a nice life", I responded "You too, or at least what's left of it." Now I realize that isn't something you say to people, but at the time, I assumed his age was more obvious to him than it was to me and I had no problem saying it. And that is but one of many examples.
The second is that she is a bad friend, plain and simple. Constantly pointing out your flaws even knowing how much it bothers you when she does so indicates she is attempting to keep you at a lowered state. Does she nitpick at how you do things and how you dress as well? Is she quick to point out every teensy little flaw? Do you leave her feeling as though your self-confidence has been crushed into powder?
My advice would be to-if you've not already-talk to her about how these comments make you feel. If she is simply very blunt, she will, upon learning how her habitual critiquing has troubled you, stop. If, after telling her, she continues her judgmental behavior, it may be best to go your separate ways.
I understand that is hard for people to do, due to the fact that people form emotional attachments to each other, so I do hope this does not have to happen. Unless you think it best.
It is rather vexing when a person points out a flaw which you are already clearly aware of. The next time a rude person calls you "fat" look down upon yourself as though you are seeing your body for the very first time, slowly lift your head and, with an expression of pure horror, look into his eyes and scream.
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To answer your question, just read what the person who posted before you wrote about this one woman she knows. She dumped a few friends for gaining weight and not being able to loose it after they got pregnant. She was able to, so she just assumed that they're lazy. Plus, it sounds as if she only wants to surround herself with attractive and slender people so that her social "stock" or "value" doesn't get lowered.
There are a lot of shallow people out there! Anyways, my friend isn't the most blunt person there is. She mostly told me that since I think that she was being helpful in pointing out something that she would want me to point out to her as you stated. She wasn't mean about things at all. I already told her how this makes me feel, so she hasn't mentioned my weight in awhile. She actually hesitates to tell me the truth at times. She usually struggles a little to be honest with me as she is one of those people who don't like to offend other people. She will be honest with me if I ask her to be though.
She is a very nice and polite person. I just think that she wasn't really aware of how her comments could come across to me when she made those rare comments. And for the record, she only brought up the reason of why some people would not want to be friends with me is because I asked her directly on the phone if I'm doing or saying anything wrong that I'm not aware of that I can improve on. I wanted an honest answer, so I got one. I do appreciate her honesty even though it was kind of shocking to hear that. I guess that appearance does matter more than we think it does to some people, even if those people are just friends which is weird!