[QUOTE=Ruari;4757455]I thought I was just in a little bad spot this past week/weekend and just needed to hang around PC obsessively for a few days until I felt sorted, and then I'd be alright. But I think this particular depressive episode has really taken a firm hold of me, because it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.[QUOTE]

Ruari , I could have written just about the same post recently. I've felt that extra firm grip
of depression on me. To the point where I was starting to get nervous. I also was thinking about maybe going inpatient but decided against it.

[QUOTE]I feel stuck. And, at this moment, I feel pretty precarious: I don't really know where to go. The couple of friends I do have can't do anything for me, not to mention that I don't want to hang on them with my despair. I desperately want to make others see me, to see that any happiness they perceive is fake, that I'm only putting on a front to survive. [QUOTE]

-------------I hope you don't mind me paraphrasing your post. I found some of the things you said very eluminating. You feel stuck and precarious and even if you weren't stuck you wouldn't know where to go. That's exactly how I felt. Paralyzed. Well your couple of friends are two more than I have but even if I had 100 friends I'd probably still feel the same. And I hate telling anybody except my therapist ,( who I have to pay to listen to me ), how I really feel because I will just be a "downer" then. You want to make others see you , like " look , here I am and why don't you see that I feel like **** and how come you don't really care ".

[QUOTE] I need to know how to be someone that people like. Which I've tried to be. And it doesn't work, apparently. On the other hand, maybe I'm not trying and maybe I'm just bitter and not so nice and have let the pain I've endured in life get to me and have no hope that I won't continue to be a bitter, lonely person.[quote]

-----------Why do you have to have other people like you ? Someone will like you when you meet someone who likes you ! When you say your not nice, do you punch people in the face ? Do you curse them out ? Or do you just show others how you really feel , which IS probably bitter and angry and in pain. I am a nice person , but , I can come off harsh , short tempered ( I don't suffer fools gladly ), and sarcastic. There are many factors involved. The thing is you are not a bad person you just have issues that probably shine thru to others. Your probably not a phony either.

-------------The companionship will come , the calls will come , people will care about you. You won't be lonely forever. If you work on yourself a little everyday , at a certain time , in a certain place , circumstances will make it happen. I mean I'm saying all this to myself too ! I'm physically alone for the first time in my life. I just went through a divorce , ( almost 40 yrs. ), my two kids won't talk to me. I have no friends. I'm alone and can do anything I want to but I can't because I'm paralyzed with the fear that comes with depression , among other reasons. So I can't enjoy my freedom. And I'm lonely as hell. But you know what. It's probably about time that I find out who the heck I really am.
When that happens everything else will fall into place. I just have to stick around for it. You won't be lonely or feel like you do now forever.

I'll get to your other posts later ok ? ; )
take care,
CB