Quote:
Originally Posted by rcat
I think you've name the problem yourself - Hate,
I am guessing it is based in resentment. You haven't indicated what the differences are between you and your brother currently or in the past. I am guessing much of this stems from your past. Perhaps something happened to you that didn't to him. Perhaps he had an easier time of it growing up or even had preferential treatment. Do you even percieve him as unfairly having and 'easier' life currently? Maybe he has material things or relationships for which you also resent.
Hard to tell, but resentment is something I sense. There is no other name for it than that. I wouldn't think there is a phsychological category for this.
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I am currently seeing a therapist. My main purpose in therapy is to solve this problem, but the therapist has little to suggest and the sessions always digress into other issues.
I have always thought that I need to understand the source of these feelings so that I can fight them better. The therapist seems to have no interest in that approach. My unkind treatment of my brother has become reflexive, so maybe it no longer matters where it originated. I do care about him, and I try to find ways to help him, but when I actually see him I feel an irrational rage and disgust.
The only purpose to my life at this point is to help my brother and my elderly mother. I kind of gave up everything I had (career, friends, self-respect) so that I could help my family. But my behavior negates everything else.
