When I'm on the depressive polar it seems as though I somewhat block and prevent anything that seems like an exit from this cycle, it seems like I suddenly feel better and have some energy flow, then I cut it off thinking 'nah it's impossible.. I wanted to die this morning.. I should be coming back to my comfort zone of darkness' - and then the energy shuts down and I get back to feeling helpless n stuff.

So, how much is in our 'mind' ? it seems like I don't let myself "out" of this depression.
I don't know.. I'm about to discuss taking medications tomorrow with my therapist, maybe I don't need to.. I'm confused to hell.