Hi IceDog,

I logged on and saw your reply to this thread.

I know where you are in thought looking to talk about how to cope. I battled through close to your same issues. It got better for me after understanding how PPD seems to work. I don't have any rock solid advice that works everytime, and that's because the PPD adapts and tries to connect new situations with old thoughts.

Best advice is keep your words and actions 'clean' from any possible notion you are lying and 'one of them.' It is tough and needs much more determination than probably any relationship you've been in or how it compares to any of your friends or family. And, sadly, it is just as tough trying to get those you speak with to understand the depth of the 'odd' issues you are constantly dealing with. I would suggest you choose very carefully how far you extend your talk circle if speaking about yout g/f. If you want her to seek professional help, gingerly reach out to her close friends or family and ask if they have noticed any 'unusual' thoughts coming from her. It might be an amazing icebreaker which opens concerning conversations.

More advice would be if you are still talking to her and interested to continue with your relationship with her, listen to her. Bite your tongue and listen. PPD's yern to be heard. Ask her 'why' she thinks someone would.... Ask her how do you think we could 'help' this situation... If you are accused of things you did not do - the very toughest - calmly but truthfully tell her those thoughts of hers are not true (that you did not do that). BUT, know those same thoughts she sees as truth ARE truth to her. Do not (try) to let her push your buttons into an arguement. Control as in an attempt to have you screaming and defending yourself feeds the PPD many times.

LISTEN to her (get her to unload her deep thoughts associated with the topic, validate her feelings attached to whatever she says) (the fear...anger...the fustration..whatever), tell her how (insert feeling) that must make her feel, gain her support you are there for here, BUT tell her the truth if a situation is not how she sees it. That is the toughest. I juggle that back from letting my truth/view be silent if thats the shortest path to get her guided back to closer to reality. Time and reality usually shows lesser of a threat to her than squaring off and battling her blurred reality. Walking away to take a breather instead of battling the PPD is an ok option too. You can say you don't feel like talking about this at this time but will later. Another important aspect is if you take a breather, go out to take a drive to cool down, even walk around the block, dont leave without stating you will be back. If abandoment issues are part of the mix, this is a huge point.

I rambled, but i feel for you if you are searching the internet trying to read all you can on possible PPD. And, if you are looking for insight on how to deal with a spouse/SO especially from a guy's perspective I know there isn't much to be found.

If you have questions or would like to talk send me a reply or email.

Take Care IceDog