I am not sure how much it causes me difficulties, because I more or less function normally and I guess most people don't notice anything, but...there is one issue I believe is causing me to feel that bad after the break up which is the feeling of being inferior. This was the same reason why I was cold in a relationship, I fear to make a fool of myself too much, I fear that if I open up to people they'll judge me, reject me and I'll stay alone. I fear that if I show emotions or vulnerabilities of any kind, I'll be immediately misunderstood and put down. That's why I play it cold, that's why I play it cool, like I don't care and hide my feelings to make sure I won't be ashamed by others. And even though I do go out with people and I am more or less socially active, it's hard for me to feel good with people, I still feel like I need to control myself to not say something stupid and whenever I do feel like I made a fool of myself I can ramble about it for days and it can totally make my self confidence going down rapidly. I usually feel as thus as I don't belong in any group and I feel like people must judge me most of the time and I fear their judgement being really negative and hurtful. It's easier not to care when I have a boyfriend because he usually makes me feel more self confident. I usually feel socially very insecure and anxious, but with people very close to me, it can go away... But losing the balance and the closeness of someone is hard, because now I feel like I'd have to move on, to talk to people and get to know them...and I just feel rejected, disliked and ugly as **** already without trying anything.

And the most weird thing about this all is... I always break up with the guy, I always put down people who like me before they can get too close, because I feel limited. I hate to feel like I belong to someone, like I am not my free self... Also I think it's a lot about avoiding feeling vulnerable. When you have someone you should love, it makes you weak... Even an idea of someone having such a power over me and my feelings is extremely fighting.

That's about it...