Being zealous for God in me now equals mental illness and not great faith. It makes me perpetually sad. I told my husband what I said last night, that the Holy Spirit likes water and that water wards off evil spirits, he said "no. Please don't start thinking like that again. I can't take it." If I ever asked to lay my hands on someone to pray for them, I would automatically be seen as a lunatic and not a caring vessel. I am feeling downhearted about this. I want this fire back. I want it back without the lunacy. I know the truth. It is written on my heart.