I tried to do stuff that might make me happy, and I was happier while doing them, thinking that might be my exit of this dark tunnel. Then I get sleep, wake up, to feel doomed again.

I can't take it out of my head that to some large extent, I'm making this worse by not letting myself free out of it.

@gina_re - this is so accurate, I remember moments where my mood elevated a bit just to have me think "Oh.. I'll probably feel **** again very soon, I can't feel good for too long.." which brings me down almost instantly.

I'm so afraid of going on medications... I can't even tell what's my mood at the moment.

Ever happen to u that u're confused and don't know how exactly to define your current mental state?