I kinda wonder why my family hated me so much. I did figure out SOME stuff these past fewyears, but i had to get some distance from them in order to see it. You never - or rarely - talk about your family. That t of yours had to be trying to make up for something - some neglect? abuse? You seem to focus on her rather than the original traumas. Are you still in contact with your family of origin or your abusers, so you cant get the necessary distance to deal with the issues?

Anyway my point really was, we dont hate ourselves, we are just treating ourselves the way our family of origin did, which is they wanted to get rid of us.