(((((((((Kimmydawn)))))))))) I love hugs and love giving them. LOL!

It seems we have alot in common. I am always the savior too, it seems and boy does it wear a body down.

I think the decision to keep her in my life actively would be easier to make if she were going to therapy. She has denial issues as well with her diagnosis of DID. She is fairly atypical. She has black out periods that she claims not to remember. I think it's the she doesn't WANT to remember what she does, but she just sorta wakes up as herself again and like nothing ever happened. Like she was asleep or something, but the rest of us know she wasn't..and in a bad way.

She can be extremely cruel, too. She is mean and unfeeling most of the time. It's like she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She cries alot to get sympathy and then when she sees she has it, her eyes dry and it's like this little smirk and right back to her old ways. That's what makes it so difficult.

It's like being abused all over again. I'm a grown woman with a family of her own, I can't let her get to me. When I get depressed, it affects MY children. I don't want them to see me the same way and I see her. The greatest gift she ever gave me was showing me how NOT to mother. I just do the opposite, as sad as it sounds.

I know that her issues are not her fault. She was severely abused...and she dissociated, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't affect us kids, especially since she decided "I" was the cause of everything bad that ever happened in her life. She had 5 kids, but being the oldest, ofcourse it was my fault.

Oh man, did I ever just ramble.LOL.

I am feeling better. I think the decision that I've made is this, talk to her about her therapy. Let her make the decision for me. I refuse to be around if she's going to keep up this stuff. It's like all the emotional abuse is all over again, and this time I'm old enough and strong enough to stand up for myself!

If she's willing to do what she can and I will tell her about the alter hurting me. I think that is important. Perhaps it will help things. I will hang up on her again if she is the one on the other end of the line. I will also hang up if it's the violent one. I don't have to put up with that and I refuse to. IT hurts too much and I'm going to take care of myself from now on. I'll be there if she needs anything, but only if she's willing to get help. Does that sound selfish?????

Thanks so much for replying. I've read a few of your posts before and I really get the sense that you are a great person and I'm so happy to have met you. It's a pleasure.

Take Care
Kimberly.