You are NOT trash and you don't deserve to die. When you were born, you were perfectand innocent; somewhere along the way someone told you lies about yourself. They are just that...lies. What you are doing is called "awfulizing" What would you try/do if you knew you could not fail? You have nothing to lose by doing/becoming the person you want to be.

As an aside, I took all of the ugliness of my life, wrote about it; won a schlarship at 60 and am a sophomore at 69. you cannot compare yourselves to others (everone is different and have different talents and goals). If you compare yourselves to others all of your life you will have wasted YOUR life; you are the only one who can control it. You do NOT "know" that everything you do will be a failure or awful. You THINK that. Why not take one tiny baby step and do something you want to do. There will always be people to criticize us; I find that usually it is because of jealousy. Don't let others define who you are. YOU get to do that.