I understand where you're coming from...I am going through the same feeling. Are you in therapy? Just curious due to a situation that came up with my T and me at our last session. I spent the previous week crying and in panic mode, but with no understanding of what was going on. When my T and I met last week, all I could say was that I thought that I didn't have much time left. At the center of that fear was the feeling that I had no faith to hang on to which would soothe my confusion about what happens after death. I'm quite spiritual, but have not aligned myself to any one religion. I've been listening to an audio book by Irvin D. Yalom (Jewish), Creatures of a Day. Dr. Yalom is a therapist and the book focuses on his therapy with people who are dying. It's been helpful, but not totally what I need.

I think, ultimately, you will have to find your own beliefs about what happens at the end of life. It can be a tortuous journey if you've not been steeped in one specific religion or belief system. I do empathize with what you are going through right now. I would caution, however, that your focus on the "afterlife" not exclude the life we were meant to live now. Perhaps by being in the present as much as possible will bring you the answers you seek for what happens when you die.