Not wanting to stop is the hard part. I've gone through this cycle where the drinking progresses enough to cause a major life event because I ignored the warning signs. As a teenager I had alcohol poisoning and was hospitalised twice. My family says I actually died but since I never talked to a Dr before discharge idk. I've always sworn it off and then later picked up again because "it's different this time blah blah".

To be fully honest I also have bipolar and I'm not sure how much the two things are tied together.