Unspeakable
A grief that cannot be named
A longing beyond words
Hope lost
A dark vortex
Pulling me away from
Beauty and light

I am turning 40 in 10 days, and I have struggled with depression since the age of 14. I have had many diagnoses, many different medications, many different therapists and different types of therapy, 3 different psychiatrists. I've struggled to be self-sufficient, and I'm still not there. I feel such despair. I can't live another 40 years with this.