I had two thoughts while reading your post, and I mean them both very gently, because I know you are hurting.

The first is that it sounds like you may not have a normal libido, yourself. The vast majority of people masturbate. Do you not masturbate, ever? If so, then you might be missing out on something wonderful, having not explored your own sexuality to the fullest. If no matter what, you just have no interest in masturbation and are cool with that, that is okay, but it is important to understand that for most people, masturbation is a prominent source of stress-relief. Orgasms with a loving partner and orgasms you give yourself pressure-free are different kinds of glorious, but both glorious none the less.

Which brings me to my second thought:

If you do masturbate, it's important to understand that men simply do not have the vast and awesome imaginative resources that we women do when it comes to masturbating. We can conjure up vivid fantasies in our minds, it's like having porn that nobody can ever find, and that will always be exactly how we want it to be down to every last detail, lucky us! Men however suck at concentrating while trying to masturbate, they sort of go into this zombie-like mode with it, so most of them need a video or picture to do the work for them, rather than imagining. Which of course means that they can wind up getting busted and embarrassed (not to mention they can wind up clicking on something thinking it's going to be great, and then see something horrific and lose their boner). But, in the end it's the same basic concept of getting off to some sexually stimulating material, whether in the imagination or on the computer screen.