Quote:
Originally Posted by Aina
"Feeling of emptiness" - I don't feel empty. I usually feel something, I can hardly say it's emptiness.
I never found myself being paranoid, I am more or less naive when it comes to the intentions of others I think.
I am too perfectionist to idealize people too, I see many faults in many people, it makes it hard to open up and to be warm in a relationship. This is the reason why the other thing about intense relationships can't be true too... I also don't want to make myself look a fool in a romantic relationship so I hold back as much as I can even after a longer time. And... The thing about the unstable ego image... just no... I haven't changed my opinion of myself in many many years and I've been following the same goals since elementary school really...so ... no
I do have intense emotions... which might seems borderline...but as far as I know, I do not show much of other symptoms... I am just hypersenstive, but also in very introverted and reserved manner...I don't show much of what I feel out of the fear of being seen as stupid or too emotional, so I usually play it really cold and cool.
[...]
Also...I am very judgmental of people myself and it's hard to please me. I tend to put people down with just one look and I am quick to make judgements about people. So there are really just a few people I feel like they are good enough, but then I do not feel like I am good enough myself. It's like a split where I also feel better than most, but also far worse then them if it makes any sense... I also have very specific criteria for people and I limit myself to only meet those who are a part of some of my ideal... And I notice how far or close I am to that ideal myself... Scan for people's imperfections and perfections to see who's better and who's worse...It's basically a struggle between being really ashamed and envious, but then at the same time being proud and selective, because I feel like I am very different than most and only those who understand and view the life the way I do are worthy of my attention.
My thinking is very abstract and idealistic and probably hard to stimulate by most of the common things.
Idk...if I make sense
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You sound VERY much like me. But I can get paranoid in my long-term relationship. If I was to start a new relationship six months ago I'd probably push the other person away.
I'm very reserved, I'm an introvert. I don't open up to other people, even though I can be nice and friendly to the them. The idea of opening up gives me exactly that feel of being violated. I also have lots of trouble with showing affection and my boyfriend is probably the only person who I can hug, kiss and say loving things to, even though he still says he's always more affectionate than I am. On the other hand I'm hypersensitive and I don't know why or how, but I feel things 10x stronger than others. I used to think everyone felt like that, but nope. It's something I struggle against, as I find it hard to put to good use and contrasts a lot with my poor interpersonal skills.
I'm also very judgemental. I'm not nasty, but I do scan people like you said even if my own self-image isn't the most positive thing ever and always thinking I'm not good enough and others have no reason to like me. I can't say I like most people I know too. This causes me great anxiety as I hate the idea of creating standards to categorize people but doing it myself. Very tricky.
May I ask you what are your hobbies or leisure activities? What do you do to get rid of stress? Are you involved with artistic production?