If someone would look at my life from the outside, they'd say I have everything a suburban mom would want!
I have a hubby that supports me & my kids. A nice home. No major money issues so hubby doesn't ask me to get a job. A job would be difficult bec of my illness, but also might help me get out. I have a car, family vacations etc. Basically all the creature comforts, plus some. Most would call me a spoiled lazy stay at home mom. If I was well I'd have this house whipped into shape & be like all the moms they advertise on tv. But I'm not. My kids r starting to see the effects of my mental illness that I try so hard to hide from them. Sometimes it rubs off on them. They hear my anger, resentment & unhappiness, but of course don't understand why.
My husband leaves me alone. Never asks questions & goes thru life living on the surface. We talk about the kids, schedules & day to day crap. I spend most of my time at home, alone & don't talk to anyone all day, everyday. I figure it's for the better.

Is this all there is? Living my life to get my kids thru theirs? Making a happy home for them & killing myself in the process?

It's just so not what I Imagined for myself....but everyone seems happy about. Why did I ever think I'd make a difference?