My Support Forums - View Single Post - Those who are in remission: missing your depression?

Chummy · Nov 09, 2015, 09:11 AM

I'm experiencing this too. The current meds I'm on have decreased my depression and thoughts about sui. It's not that I'm better, but I'm not feeling as bad anymore. And I'm missing it sometimes. I feel like I want to feel bad again.

Possible trigger:

I've also been close to ending my life. Many times. Not that long ago I really wanted to end it. I still don't want to live. Maybe that's also why I'm missing the depression. Maybe I want to get so bad that I'll actually do it?

I've talked to my T about missing those bad moods. It might be because I've had those bad feelings and thoughts for so long, it's safer than these feelings I've now. The depressive feelings are familair to me, feeling ''ok'' is sort of new to me. I've not always been depressed, but I can't remember how feeling good feels.
And also because I sort of think that I should feel depressed. That I'm not allowed to feel ok, to be oke.

When I read back in my diary from when I felt really low, I want to feel that again. But during those times I felt so bad, all I want is to not feel so bad. I still think it's a bit weird that I'm missing my major depression.