what is it like to be in this mind of mine?.... I'll give a small glimpse of my struggles---

I don't know if this would trigger some-- so I used a trigger icon, just in case..........

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My mind sees the number of posts here and the number of views-- in the 300's!! ...... part A says-- "see, people find that you have value-- just look, they replied to you and many have read, which means they are interested"...... however-- part B says-- "over 300 people are looking AT YOU, how could you be so foolish, they're probably all laughing at you, didn't you learn anything from your past-- to keep your mouth closed??"

The side that wants to reach out and feel better-- against the side that is paranoid and used to hiding-- it's the way to not get hurt.

Most of my life I've relied on part B to keep me safe....... part A got me in trouble as a child and so I learned to not trust part A.... but..... been told by some T.s that things have been different-- as an adult-- just so hard to convince my inner self of that......

mandy ---number of posts and number of views...... ugh... will these EVER not bother me.......