No. I mean, not absolutely like "Ruari sucks, let's exclude her" kind of do not want to be around. It's more of an I'm different, they don't think to include. Or that I'm just paranoid (more a combo of the two latter ones).

I am sure that I am hypersensitive. In talking to the few people I've known a long time that I trust, I gain a little more perspective with this. I understand also that people in general are self-absorbed, especially those around me. (Which I've probably said around here before.) My decisions need to be about me, and not about how I fit in with a group of people or whatever. I think that would make things a lot simpler. I also have trouble with expectations, always have, in that I expect things to go a certain way in a given situation and when they don't it bums me out. This is something I need to work on letting go. Maybe when I plan something have a couple of alternate plans so that when my self-absorbed buddies bail (and it isn't about me), I will still have fun regardless.

I am starting up with a new therapy group this week and I intend on bringing up issues that were uncomfortable for me in the past (or never were addressed) so that I may stop cycling through them. I'm hopeful that it'll touch on some of the self-doubt that seems to come up here.