Hi everyone, I wanted to give an update on things. I'm really really struggling today, and I thank god - I have an appt with my therapist tonight, b/c if I didn't - I'm not sure what I would do - other than be here, nagging you all.

My plan was to break up with him this weekend. However, something came up and I just knew I wouldn't be able to handle the stress of that - and breaking up with this jerk. So, sunday rolls around... and, we were together. I know, I know. Bad. But... remember, my anxiety and stress are high anyway and I thought I was doing the right thing, by not adding more. So, here's what happened.

We woke up, and it went from ok - to bad - to horrible in seconds. I forget the comment he made, but it was inconsiderate - rude and I wasn't going to listen to it. So, I told him "You need to start being respectful or I'm not going to put up with this. In fact, I think I'm already done putting up with it". He said "Fine.. I'm leaving....text me later" and he got up, got dressed and walked out the door. I laid there stunned for a minute, then thought forget him - I'm not texting him later. I'll text him now. So, I did. I texted him "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in continuing this relationship. You aren't right for me, I'm not right for you, and it's just too hard. Please don't contact me again. I'm sorry if you consider this a cheap way of doing things, but - it was also cheap of you to say what you said to me, and then up and walk out of my house in the manner you did"

Of course my son is gone. But... I spent basically the rest of the day - crying, I cried and I cried and I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I regretted what I did, I felt like I need to text him back and apologize, I so bad wanted to call or text him and tell him nevermind. I don't know why. I truly don't know why.

Well, I got a text from him later. Telling me. "I'm moving on, we're done... thank you for teaching me, and I'll give you the credit when the time is right. I haven't had a drink all day, and I don't know if I will ever again, but maybe I will - who knows. As it stands now, I'm done. I'm going back to the way life was before I met you, worrying only about myself and my son." Then he threw in some nasty comments. Called me a bunch of names, emotionally painful things.

I haven't heard from him since. So, it's kind of like... now I'm even doubly hurt b/c not only did I end the relationship, he confirmed it with wanting the same thing. So, it's doubly hard. He called me things I've never been called. Lazy, Liar, Selfish. He said I went onto his FB account and did something, I don't know what he's even talking about what I did, but first of all - I NEVER went onto his FB account, even if I wanted to - I don't know is password. Told me, that I betrayed him just like his ex-wife did and all this other stuff.

I just don't understand. But it's very very painful. Why am I mourning over someone like this? Please tell me again, it's a good thing he's out of my life, and I have no place for someone like that. I have such a low- self esteem, I feel like no one else will want me, except someone like him. That's how I feel right now.