I think part of what is bothering me is, great - now that I finally broke up with him, he's going to quit drinking and he's going to magically turn back into the guy he was when I first met him. Or maybe this is what he wants me to think. But, my mind is playing tricks with me. I don't mean this to sound like, I hope he doesn't stop drinking - b/c I DO hope he does, for himself and his child. I really do, I will pray for him and his son. They were a part of my life for a decent amount of time, I do care about them.

I don't know... I just don't want my son seeing this, and I'm afraid it wouldn't of stopped. He knew how to tear me down like no body's business. He calls me things I've never been called... He started making fun of me yesterday for needing "medicine" to be normal. Told me I "need help, I'm not right". Just making me feel like a complete no good, for having to take medicine to control my anxiety.

It worked. Now, that he isn't trying to contact me, I feel even worse - like, I was the bad one. Like I was the crazy nuts one. Again, just like when my ex left... no turning back, no I'm sorry for hurting you, no nothing. Not that I want someone knocking my doors down, I just wanted to be loved and feel loved... and, I don't.

(My ex left me for another woman, and filed for divorce a couple months later - in case I didn't say that earlier)