I first wonna say some things in this post will make me seem awful...plz dont stop talking to me...

When I was a kid my parents always bought me toys, etc. To make me "happy". I was a living breathing mental illness, depression took me over. WHen I was a pre-teen I started getting Electronics (computers,mp3 players,etc) from my parents trying to make me "happy". I finally said STOP. I then tried making myself happy by talking to family,friends,professionals about my probs.

None helped. Then I discovered pornography and my sex drive added a tremindious burden that I'm now living wwith. I always seem to be masturbating and regreting it...I feel so perved!!!! I HATE MYSELF!!! Only reason I live is because 1 day I want a loving family a wife, a daughter, son...But lately sex is on my mind but I hate it....I'm always hurting my body...in a mental state by doing the things I do!

I'm always scared to talk to women because the fear I will only think about thoughts I dont want to...the internet has helped because I usually dont see them...or even if I can (profiles and such) I tend to shy away from it....

I'm just looking for SOMETHNG to make me HAPPY and now anythng sexual seems to be it....but it really doesnt...I mean I regret it and hate it...

I'm so lustful 1 thing I always dispised in others...

NOw its me...

help helphelp

PLZ REPLY I NEED SUPPORT!