Basically I hate all of humanity more than words can describe right now. It is BECAUSE of other humans that I'm afraid to do anything, and I'd rather just remain curled up in a ball sleeping in my bed for the rest of my life. People are only out there to hurt you, criticize you, make fun of you and make your life a living hell. They don't try to understand you, and they never will. They almost pride themselves on never even trying to understand you.

I used to be a happy child, full of life and hope and creativity, but weird. That weirdness got me a lot of suffering and misery. I have no friends, and I've never had a boyfriend. I'm afraid I never will. All the guys I'm attracted to are never attracted to me- they just ignore me or look visibly disgusted by me. It's eating away at me, day by day, and I wonder if I'll always be alone. It is only when I see OTHER people in love that I start to feel worthless, knowing that no one will ever love me back. I will never get to experience a kiss, or sex, or commitment. Not even so much as simple understanding.

People say that humans are social creatures, yet look at me. I hate people. I just want to be alone. I don't like other people telling me what to do, how to be, what to look like, how to think, etc. I would be more inclined to try to be social if other people were more respectful and accepting- if people actually cared about me... but they don't. I hate being alone, and yet I hate being made fun of. I hate being judged.

Sometimes I either wish I could kill myself OR kill everybody else on the planet. Usually both, when I feel like this.

PS, I've been missing my pills for a couple days, so that may explain my insanity right now. Not that it changes much about my feelings of permanent loneliness and alienation. Plants and animals are good. People are not.