i don't know if i understand the whole process of CBT quite right, but from what i do get the idea is that you change the self talk, actively track and change the negative thoughts, then work on actively changing the behaviour and TADA! the feelings change... right?

is that reasonably close to the idea?

because if it is then it's a crock.

i did an awful lot of that stuff before... and my T seems all jacked up about what it is that "happens" or "why" i sometimes break out of my defeating patterns and take concrete steps that are more positive... ie i was extremely distressed about my job and possibly losing it, and had the old-pattern-option of giving up and falling back on the unreliable advice of H. i wasn't able to reach T by phone and it was a long weekend... so after suffering for days i decided to find a middle ground with my boss and do short shifts. My T was really into what happened or what i was thinking that made that happen.

ok. i can understand why he would be, esp considering his love of Ellis. Pattern changing obviously has benefits.

BUT... what i find personally is that what is does is make my life more functional. i mean, it kept my job. Not letting myself once more walk out of a dirty kitchen allowed me to get my dishes done. I can see how this stuff can get "things" done. Yup, makes me a more productive person. Does it make me feel any better? Not one iota.

And it's not just with the process with therapy. i have always managed to get the tough going ... well, not always. i have yet to experience even one instance of it where it resulted in me feeling better. i feel like crap.

i am so tired of this.

i am very interested in other therapy types... humanist for example sounds very interesting to me.

i just want to <font color="#000088"> FEEL </font> better.