You got it ZEN!!!! The urges have passed and I had my physical today and could tell doc that really, the bruises on my leg are just there, I did not do it. I felt good knowing I could tell her not since May. She is such a dear woman and I am lucky to have such a good doc. My T and I discussed the whole control thing today and she asked me when did I ever have control like that? Good question, it's wishful thinking. I feel better. lots of pretty amazing stories about the journey though. Thank you all for your love and compassion.