Ive been making research about people who have the same thing as me.... Some of them are 15.... and others 50.... Am I going to live the rest of my life like this? And if i ever do get the chance to take medicine.... Then is it really worth it? Ill be on life support.... Why cant I be happy? Okay maybe not jumping on my ceiling.... just okay, not paranoid or wanting to lay down and die. If im going to live the rest of my life like this than i should make that rest short.... If i broke something i could close my eyes and grind my theeth, and forget about it..... And not feel guilty about taking meds.... But this.... I dont want to anymore.... Im thinking of flying myself to russia where its legal to decide the lengh of your life.