A warm thanks to you FuzzyBear for the hugs I hope your birthday was the greatest, Skeezyks thank you for all your messages and mugwort2 thank you for wanting to do the heart and teddy thing As I said in one of my post I think I found a safe haven here at PC, even if nobody replies just a :, or somebody reading what I'm feeling means somebody cares, and that I want to thank everybody here at PC for there's always someone that's supporting another member

Mugwort2; in this 3 years I've seen so many psychiatrists, psychologists, pastors etc. and in most of the sessions my husband was with, because I thought I didn't have to keep anything from him, but I soon learned that if you let people in on your feelings and thoughts they tend to use it against you! I reached out to these people because after all they have the insight and suppose to help you but instead they left me feeling worse about myself like I'm not right as a human being! I think there's truth in what Skyzaaks said sometimes people want to help but they can cause further pain!
We stay in SA on a farm, the community around here are small you know that kind if you 'fart' to hard everybody knows about it, so unfortanetly I can't seek help around here for my husband and parents are well known and I don't dare to embarrass them! I made the mistake in seeking help from my husbands pastor and that causes more problems!

There are support groups in the Cities, the nearest one is 3hours drive from where we stay. I'm unemployed for almost 2 years now due to health reasons I had to resign in 2013 and only was told a few months ago that I should not have done that! We only have a hospital plan, all the sessions and meds we have to pay ourselves!

With everything that's been said by my husband, parents and brother, and I've been told that I'm wasting money that we don't have on these doctors and meds..... I actually don't have a choice but to stop everything concerning my mental 'issues'!!! I don't have the money to pay for it myself so is it right that my husband must use his money on something that he believes is a waste?

I'm tired of chasing people for there love and attention its sad but true I don't think they need me as much as I need them, especially my husband and that breaks my heart...